The Writing on the Wall

“Hindsight is 20/20” is the expression that pops in my head whenever I reflect on the red flags I experienced as a teenager. I didn’t see or realize at the time the vast number of warning signs there were, but they were plentiful.

By sharing my story, I pray others in a similar situation will have clearer vision than me.

As a senior in high school, we were given the opportunity to take a college level English course. Many of us signed up, including my boyfriend and me. As one would expect, we had to write college level papers for our assignments.

Everything was going smoothly until the day we received one of our papers back. My writing piece had earned an A-. My boyfriend received a C-. Naturally, one would expect to be disappointed with a lower grade, but his reaction far exceeded disappointment.

He was livid. He blew up at me and anyone else who would listen.

The next few days were terrible as he was incensed at the nerve of that professor.

“She has no idea what she’s talking about.”

“She’s absolutely useless and knows nothing!”

“I’ve never had a grade like this before and she’s going to have heck to pay.”

He was outraged, obsessed, and furious. In his eyes his bad grade had nothing to do with his work, but everything to do with her and the fact she knew nothing about good writing or teaching. In his opinion, she was incompetent.

Nothing I said could get him to calm down. For lack of any better description- he was out of control with rage over this situation.

He talked about “getting her canned”, complaining to the principal about her lack of qualification to teach, and making derogatory comments about her as a person.

It was uncomfortable, unnerving, and surreal.

It was hard for me to wrap my head around his visceral reaction and outlandish claims about her as a person.

And not once did he consider the fact that maybe he could have done a better job on the paper. He never said, “I wonder what I needed to do differently” or, “How can I improve this grade”?

It was ALL the professor’s fault and that was a red flag, along with his explosive temper about the situation.
Abusers take no accountability.

Everything in their life is ALWAYS someone else’s fault.

They do no wrong in their own eyes and you cannot reason with them.

Nothing I said could have changed his mind. She was a bad professor. She didn’t know what she was talking about. She should be fired. The list went on and on.

If your partner consistently blames others, has oversized reactions and an explosive temper over everyday life- take note!

Lack of accountability, blaming others, and a volatile temper are all red flags that you are dealing with an emotionally unhealthy, and possibly abusive person.